The more open-ended the question, the more you'll make them think and the more interesting their answer will be. If you're specific, you'll end up guiding the answer. Asking "Were you scared yesterday?" is not the same as asking "How did you feel?" With the first question, the answer will be limited to fear, and will leave aside other feelings they may have experienced.
Be better conversationalists. With how chatty we are in Spain, we might think that we are the best in the 'art of having a good conversation', right?
Well, I think we talk a lot. But from there to having good conversations there is a big distance. Don't you think?
I recently saw a talk by Celeste Headlee on TED Talks that made me think about this topic. And you already know that when I find an interesting topic I usually write about it in the 'thoughts' category of the blog.
We have stopped listening
Think for a moment about the last dinner you had with your family or friends. Have you ever tried counting how many simultaneous conversations there are? Sometimes it seems like there are more conversations than people!
Smartphones don't help with this. In certain age groups and in certain circumstances, people prefer to send messages rather than talk.
In some cases it's for convenience, in others because it's easier to write it down (we avoid the embarrassment of having to say it in person), in others it's just out of habit... but indonesia number the result is that we talk to more people, but we have far fewer face-to-face conversations (in person or on the phone). We've lost some of the value that face-to-face conversations used to have. You can read about this in Mobile phones bring us closer to those who are far away, but they distance those who are close by .
And I admit it, I'm the first one to abuse the phone. On more than one occasion I take out the phone in the middle of a conversation. Always for something related to what we're talking about, but I think that most of those times I should leave it aside.
If we don't listen, how are we going to understand each other?
I think it's something that should be taught in class. It's very basic, but as important or more than any knowledge we can acquire. It's the basis of communication!
Below is a summary of the talk, and at the end of the article the full video .
How to have a good conversation
Focus on the conversation
If you're talking to someone, focus on that. If you have a thousand things on your mind, the conversation doesn't interest you that much for whatever reason, don't have it. It's that simple. If we want to have a conversation that really brings us something, that is productive for both parties, we must drop everything to pay maximum attention. So no cell phones, no television, no mental notes about pending tasks, etc. etc.
Don't be an expert
There is an important difference between providing information and being an expert. Do you understand the difference? To have a good conversation you have to assume that you always have something to learn from the other person . If you think you are the greatest expert in something, you will soon realize that you are not the one who knows the most about your specialty, and that there are people who know a lot about many other things. On this subject I really liked Seth Godin's post: “ Everyone is better than you ,…” at something. And the same thing happens to the rest. That is, you will be better than the other person at something, and vice versa. Let's take advantage of this reality to get something positive out of each conversation. The key is to go with an open mind, to think that you can always learn something from each conversation , until you end up stopping giving your opinion, so that the other party can express themselves more freely. You will have time to respond and argue.